Not Me - Of Bank Robbers and Bandages

Oh my goodness... do you ever have things happen to you that make you stop and laugh out loud?  Do you go about your day and your child says something that causes you to scratch your head and stare, wondering where this little person came from?  Do you ever go through an hour of your day where everything that could possibly go wrong DOES and you are moments away from a "big girl temper tantrum"? 

Welcome to Not Me Wednesday where some or all of the above occur and I write about it just so I can get it off my chest.  :) 

did not find my daughter's baby dolls dressed up as bank robbers.  Her alibi... she was keeping their faces warm, with her socks.  :)

Our water softener did not break and the repair lady did not bring her adorable puppy along.  "Rudy" is not a Shih tzu combined with a Pomeranian.  My husband did not honestly ask if that made it a "ShitPoo"... um, yeah, we laughed.
Don't you want one?
I do not often find our toddler drinking from the spray nozzle at the kitchen sink.

did not try to make homemade Cream of Wheat using flour, milk, salt, and sugar.  My husband did not tell me it would end up being paste.  I did not think smugly to myself  "I'll show him... I am a pretty darn good cook."  After sampling my concoction I did not grimace but decide to pass it off  to the unsuspecting toddler whom I made it for since he is allergic to oats and cannot have oatmeal.  Even the little blondie who eats everything said "Momma... it's yucky".  I did not flush the "breakfast paste" down the toilet.  

After the above fiasco I did not make sure to buy some oat free cereal at the store.  At breakfast I did not give the options of corn flakes, bran flakes or Rice Krispies.  Our four year old did not ask for Snow Flakes.

A gentleman did NOT pull into the driveway and ask to harvest mushrooms from our maple tree out front. I did NOT greet him with baby puke running down my back and my hair all awry because I remembered to get dressed but forgot to do my hair.  He did NOT show us some edible mushrooms and give us a compact lesson on how to identify Dryad's Saddle, it does not smell like watermelon rind and supposedly tastes wonderful in soup. The gentleman is NOT a guide and did not remark about how wonderful our rhubarb patch was. I did NOT take the opportunity to ask him about how to tell when that stuff was ready to harvest.  He did NOT give the children and I a mini lesson on rhubarb while handing us peeled pieces to try.  We did not spit it out on the ground with smiles on our face and appreciation in our hearts knowing that once cooked with sugar this plant WILL be edible.  :)

Our children are NOT accident prone and in less than a week 3 out of 5 children were not hurt in some way, shape or form.  Our six year old did not mess up his leg thus requiring x-rays, lots of rest, and daily massage.  My arms are not stronger from lugging him around.  Our little two year old did not fall off of a friends patio onto paving stones resulting in a goose egg between his eyes, a pot marked nose, and a split open lip. (poor baby).  The Princess did not injure her toe and when I thought she was faking she did not show me her bloodied boo boo.  (Mom of the year right here people.)

While I was nursing the baby, my daughter did NOT come to sit by me and play pretend.  She was NOT Eliza... a grown up who liked to eat grasshoppers.  Eliza would  catch the grasshoppers and toss them into the oven.  The grasshoppers thought the oven was a washing machine where they would get clean but really they were being cooked in the oven and once ready, they taste like blueberry jam.  I was a Mommy who nursed her baby and passed out tea and cookies while marveling at her daughter's imagination.  :) 

My adventure seeking son did NOT give me a tour of his fort in the woods and as I looked down I did NOT find out that my boy has been playing in the midst of a huge patch of poison ivy.  So far, he has not come down with anything but I am sure his time is coming.

Please share your "not me" adventures below by leaving a comment.