My heart was at peace. The sun was shining, the kids were all happy, the laundry was folded, dinner was prepped, and although there are things that are not going well right now in our lives, I was keeping my focus on the One who has everything in control. I was expressing this to my Daddy, letting him know that I was surrendering to the Lord and not allowing my thoughts and fears to overtake me and then... after I hung up the phone, the sky fell.
Doctors appointments did not provide answers for questions, they only yielded more appointments thus more bills. The dentist appointment also led to more appointments and more bills. The vehicle appointment led to future appointments and... you guessed it, more bills.
|Image from TheGraphicsFairy|
That peace I was feeling earlier was no where to be found. Anxiety, fear, frustration all crept in. The sun was shining outside but I was not seeing it. I began to focus on all of the papers, quotes, and appointment dates staring at me. I checked our budget and began to freak out. Enter my darlin' husband. He puts his hand on my shoulder, looks me in the eye and says "It's going to be okay, honey". I should have thanked him for his encouraging, Godly words. Instead I looked back at him and said "You go ahead and keep thinking that. I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop." Yup. That was me. Miss Positive... Miss. My Heart is at Peace.
Why is it that when we feel like we finally have a grasp on things, that is when life throws a curve ball at us?
After taking some time for self reflection I realized that this is a testing ground. Will I continue to let it be well with my soul even with this new information that is staring at me in black and white, taunting me, threatening our financial security? Will I live out what I believe deep in my heart, that the Lord will provide for us in ways that are beyond our understanding or will I continue to shake my head in disbelief at how so many things can go willy nilly in 24 hours?
It is all about focus.
I allowed my circumstances to distract me.
I took my eyes off of Him... and I fell.
I fell from peace and contentment and entered chaos and insecurity.
I decided that I was not going to allow this new found information rob me of my peace. I had sulked and whined long enough (several hours if you are wondering). I directed my gaze back to the heavens... the sun was still shining, the children were laughing, and my God was still on the throne. I prayed over the situation at hand, apologized to my husband, and got back to life. I pushed my blue eyed, giggling toddler on the swing. I had a tea party with a Princess. I played chess with my six year old and I embraced my teenage son and told him how special he was to me. I chose to have joy in the moment. Mind you there are plenty of times where I do not choose joy and I wallow in my pity party. The results are vastly different and I wish I had the mindset to always choose "the path less traveled" because it truly does make all the difference.
Are there areas in your life where you are trying to change your mindset?
Praying for you today,